I am called to be a homemaker and a mommy. I am called to take care of my little one with love, affection and to help educate her so she can have all the tools she needs to be a successful, healthy and loving child, then an adult. Knowing that I am called to be a homemaker, it was hard to face the fact that my freelance income wasn’t making our family enough consistent money to keep us where we wanted to be financially, so I had to get a job outside of the house. Getting a job outside of the house meant Autumn needed to be with someone else for the time being, and the only real option at this time was sending her to a daycare facility.
I can’t tell you how painful it is to send your child to someone else’s care for a day when you feel like it is going against your calling. The biggest thing that has helped me be at peace with it was finally realizing that more importantly than my calling to be with her every day, I needed to make sure that Autumn had a home to sleep in with lights and heat. She needed food in the pantry and she needed a mommy and daddy who could pay their bills. At the end of the day, my calling wasn’t being sidestepped, it was being fulfilled by me taking care of my family in the only way I could for the moment.
When it isn’t okay
Some days, I can’t quite gracefully accept Autumn spending so much time with other loving, caring women. When Autumn had the croup and I was rocking her to sleep and she kept calling for her “Miss. S” I cried. During the week that she would wake up in the morning and refuse to give me our good morning hugs and kisses that had been a ritual since she was born, all because she just wanted to “go to school.” I was devastated.
I can’t tell you how hard it is some days to let her go when all I want to do is keep her home to love on her and keep her close. Thankfully, that isn’t every day anymore. Now, we have a lot more good days than sad days and on the bad days I don’t always cry. I have spent a lot of time praying about it and thinking about it and realized that at the end of the day, I knew this was what was best for Autumn, which meant it was what was best for me.
On the hard days, I had to keep my end goal in mind. Eventually, she would be home with me. Eventually I would be able to come home and either work at home full time again like I did when she was a little younger (Update from June 2016: later on in the year this post was written I did come home and work full time, even after Logan was born I still worked from home) and that right now it is my job to just stay home.
Learning to be accept it with grace
One of the truths that keep me (mostly) content about the situation is the knowledge that just because I am working outside of the home, that doesn’t mean I’m not a homemaker. I read a quote the other day that I cannot find now about homeschooling. It said that to some degree, we are all homeschooling. The quote stuck with me for a few days and gave me a lot of hope. I may not be at home full-time right now, and I may not have Autumn home with me all day, but the daycare she attends is one of the best in the country and the time she is home she spends learning and being loved on by two parents who can rest easy knowing that we will be able to feed her and keep the lights on.
The last thing that keeps me sane right now is knowing that at the age of not-quite-two years old, although she is learning a ton, it isn’t strictly academic. At this age, she is still learning primarily by playing and watching. So what if she can’t do lessons that I planned out according to the school year calendar? Last week, she learned to sing Itsy-Bitsy Spider, and she can now count to 8 independently. She recognizes letters and has the biggest smile for me at the end of the day when I go to get her. And at this age, that’s enough. In this moment, all of our needs are met and that makes it all okay.
If you’re a homemaker who has had to put her little ones in school or daycare for a time, please leave a comment and share what helped you. Sharing your experience would mean a lot to me, and the other moms here.